Loveless and Unworthy

Message: I have been struggling with this thought about whether or not I am worthy to be loved. Truly loved. I fell in love with a boy a few years back. I lost my virginity to him when I was 21. We were on and off- but he was a serial cheater. I put up with it because of my feelings. It ended a while back when he basically told me that he never loved me at all. The sex was just good. It made me sick. I gave him everything, my last. I was stupid- I know. But I prayed on it. And I haven’t slept with another man since. But I keep running into these men. These men who only want to sleep with me. They don’t want to be with me. And I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach that maybe this is my recompense. Like I don’t deserve to be loved. My mother and godmother say that I have too high of standards. I say that I want to wait to have sex. I say that I need a man to take me on a real date. None of them do. They want something easy. There are men who want my body but not me. And I wonder if God intended for me to be alone. And I get very depressed. Because I want children and a husband more than anything in the world. I repented. I’m taking the time to grow and become closer to God and Jesus Christ. I just feel myself getting more and more depressed. Like- I will serve God and follow his scriptures. I love God. I just wonder if this is his justice for my having premarital sex.

Response: Dear loveless,  thank you for your response and being so open and vulnerable. Just from your authenticity with this response, I can see how God has given you a beautiful heart to love and be loved.

First of all, I want to encourage you that your heart and your identity are not made up of the circumstances on how these men have treated you in the past or of current. These men who treated you this way are operating from a place of brokenness and not knowing their true identity and this is reflected in their actions.

I wanted to encourage you with what your true identity is: Your heart is fully loved and accepted by the Creator of the universe. He is your Father even when earthly men or father figures fail us. Your identity is as His daughter and as you start to believe the truth of who He says you are, your mind and heart start to operate from this understanding that you deserve a type of man who operates from this identity as well. 

I have experienced in my life that when I embrace the truth of me being His daughter first instead of operating from a heart of brokenness and hurt, it has helped my heart heal and forgive those that have wronged me as well.

That’s awesome that you are taking this season to grow closer to God and I would encourage you to keep doing this daily, and I believe that healing and the people who are going to treat you with this True love start to come into your life. 

Every morning, take time to spend in a quite moment to let the love and Word of God wash over you, and that your identity comes from being his daughter first. Ask His Spirit into your head to help heal as well as help you operate from this identity first that you are fully loved and accepted by Him. 

I would also encourage you to find a Christian community who can support and mentor you and are more likely to come in contact with people who operate from the identity of being son’s and daughters of God and treat you in this way. 

Lastly I want to encourage you on the bad days when you feel like you are not loved or the circumstances of your life may say the same, that you stop and realize that you are His daughter. Don’t let your feelings of being unloved identify you as being unloved. Feelings are not lord over or lives and we should never let feelings or our circumstances tell us who we are. Believe His word over your life. 

I wanted to leave you with this verse that has helped me believe who I am in Him 

“For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons and daughters of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as his children by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ.”  Romans 8:14-15, ESV