How Do I End Things With Him?

Message: I started dating a guy and found out 6 months later he was living with someone. I was hurt but by then I was attached to him big time. I suffered through knowing he had someone and letting him go. Then I learned he has a sexual addiction. He is not going to leave his partner and I am getting hurt all the time. How can I get out of this relationship gracefully without him feeling like I am abandoning him? We’ve talked about his issue and he doesn't want to lose my friendship. I am having a hard time breaking away but I know this is all wrong.

Response: When we get blindsided by someone we care about, especially when we've invested a significant amount of time into a relationship, it is so very hurtful. Somehow, even with all that hurt, it can be hard to step away. It is understandable that you are hesitant to walk away and it's clear you have a very kind heart to still care about this man's wellbeing. Please know that the decisions he made, his lies, his addiction, they are not your fault and I am really sorry to hear that you're going through this.

I know the process of deciding whether or not to walk away from the relationship may seem like a difficult one but I encourage you to try and take a step back. What advice would you give to a sister or friend? Would you advise them to stay, to try and work it out while he lives with someone else? While it is important to help those we love, God does not ask us to sacrifice ourselves for the mistakes of others.

While it is compassionate of you to care about his wellbeing, it is not your responsibility to stay in a relationship in an attempt to help him. Each person is in charge of their own happiness and wellbeing. It is important that he makes the decisions to seek help from both God and a professional especially if dealing with addiction.

God has someone out there for you that will love and cherish only you. As His child he wants the very best for you, and being someone's secret is not that. I encourage ask God to give you the wisdom to speak gently but firmly with your boyfriend and explain why you cannot stay with him. I know this may not be easy and there may be a period of healing for you. This is ok! Take that time to invest in yourself and what you love as you are valuable!​ No man determines that and this man's poor choices do not mean every man will treat you this way.