Is It Possible to Take On Someone Else's Depression?
Message: Can someone take on the feelings of the one they love, as far as their anxiety or depression goes? I feel like I'm taking on some of my boyfriend’s issues. I go through depression myself. These new symptoms I'm getting, I've never had them until I got with him and started falling in love with him.
Response: When you love someone it's only natural to want to help them. You don't want to see the people you care about suffer, and that's an admirable quality. You sound like a really good girlfriend, and I'm happy to hear that you are receiving love and affection from your boyfriend as well, you deserve it!
That being said, caring for and maintaining our own mental health should be a top priority. It's okay to talk about your problems with your significant other, it's often even good, but when you feel responsible for them it can be a lot to handle. Sometimes the weight of your problems and others' problems can just be too much, and that's nothing to feel bad about. Does your boyfriend know you're feeling this way? There comes a time in many relationships where you have to draw lines, and maybe this is a conversation you need to have in order to make a healthy change for the both of you! Simple compromise could look like asking one another, "Are you in the right head space to talk about ____ right now?" It's important to respect your loved on as well as yourself! Maybe it would be best if each of you had other people to talk with as well, have either of you thought of seeing a counselor or finding someone else that could help you talk it out without putting the extra strain on your relationship. You can love someone and still find ways to evaluate the situation from an outside perspective! Brainstorming together may be your best option to find what works for the two of you.
Keep in mind that although you love your boyfriend and you are invested in your relationship, you are not responsible for your boyfriend’s mental health. No one can take responsibility for what goes on in another person’s mind. You can do your best to be everything that someone needs, but sometimes it’s better to step back and let God do a work in the person that you cannot. Relationships are meant to include three people: you, your partner, and God. God is the only one capable of bearing the burden of another person’s being, and you will find that if He is not present in your relationship, you will inevitably struggle. Healthy love can be achieved through communication, understanding, and growth (personally, as a couple, and with God!).
Anxiety and depression are not easy things to overcome. Life is already hard, and these mental roadblocks can often make us overthink, add extra stress and worry, and even effect our physical health. I'm so sorry that you and your boyfriend are struggling, but you aren't alone. Even though we can't control all that goes on around us, we can control what we do about them. Here are a few tips that can help alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression:
1. Try saying a little prayer before bed. Tell God what's on your mind. He is so much bigger than our worries and problems, and He will listen!
2. Talk it out! Sometimes it can help to simply tell someone what you're going through-- Family, friends, or a counselor/therapist may be able to help. If you don't feel comfortable reaching out just yet, you can try writing it down in a journal first. Just get those thoughts out of your head!
3. Be mindful of your body and EXERCISE. Our bodies were built to know what they're doing, we just have to help them do their best work. If your body feels good, your mind will too. Exercise and fresh air will help you function better, organize your thoughts, and make life seem more manageable.
4. Think about what you're putting in. Good food and a lot of water will help overall health, but also think about what you put into your mind. Think positive thoughts, monitor what you're watching and reading, and ask yourself "Is this healthy? Is it something that will help me feel good? Is it what God wants for me?" Feed your mind!
1 Peter 5:7 tells us "Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares for you."
No matter what is going on, He will never leave you, and no problem is too big for Him to handle! Take advantage of having such a strong, loving, and powerful God on your side! I encourage you to take these problems to Him, whether it is individually or as a couple, and let Him bear the weight for you, with you!
