How Do I Figure Out My Sexuality?
Message: I want to know if I’m bisexual or a lesbian, but I need help figuring it out. How can I tell?
Response: It is understandable that you would feel pressure to try and sort out what your sexuality may be, and I’m glad that you reached out with your question. I want to start by saying that in society today, it seems that an emphasis is being placed on embracing your label – whatever it may be – and I want to caution you about doing that. So much importance is being placed on sexuality that who you love has almost become synonymous with who you are – your identity. This can leave many people feeling anxious about not being able to find that label and finally "know" who they are.
The thing about labels is they place people in boxes. For example, when I say doctor, what do you first think? Many people will likely think of a medical doctor, but the title "Doctor" can be received by anyone who earns a doctoral degree. What I'm trying to get at is that humans like to categorize things and place them in boxes because it feels easier to understand and keep track of. But with each person being a unique individual it is not fair to use this same system as it can be easy to overlook the other factors that make up a person.
I know that the stress of not being able to say definitively what your sexuality is can make it feel like it is the most important question to answer. But just like with a puzzle, its only one piece. Many other pieces go into making the beautiful individual you are and it is important to invest energy into discovering and developing those other pieces. By focusing on your spiritual, mental, and physical health, the answers you're searching for may be found.
While focusing on developing these areas is extremely important, I know it may not alleviate the stress of not having an answer about your sexuality. I encourage you to turn to someone who knows you best. Your heavenly Father is a great listener, and it's important you seek Him during this time of searching as He knows you better than anyone. It would also be good to find a counselor who specializes in helping people find the answers to these questions as they may be able to help you through this journey.
It takes time to learn about yourself and start to understand the person you are. So throughout the process remember, you don’t need labels—you need to know that God loves and accepts you-- no matter what. So if it takes you a while to answer this question, that's perfectly ok. Rest assured that there is one and only one way to find out who you are – and it is by having a relationship with Jesus, and that is a life-long journey.
