Why Do I Keep Arguing With My Parents?
Message: I don't know why, but sometimes I like arguing with my parents. I know that in the end there will be consequences, but I always think that they should be just like me. My parents are tired of arguing with me, but I don't really know how to stop. What should I do?
Response: This is a really good question, and I’m so glad you asked it here. There comes a time in everyone's life where they start forming their own thoughts and opinions. Sometimes the conclusions we come to don't necessarily align with our parents and this can cause tension. The question I would ask you is what is your intent behind arguing with them? Are you trying to express your thoughts? Do you not feel heard by them? Do you feel arguing is the only way to get their attention?
Many of us struggle to be heard and/or feel heard. This causes a less than desirable emotional response that can prevent us from feeling empathy and having understanding. There are several major reasons we cause arguments. Sometimes we feel unheard and then try to push to be heard. Other times we're trying to get a particular outcome that we want to happen. There are also times that assumptions are made, or someone has expectations. I would suggest taking some time to process what it is that is the root cause of your desire to argue.
It's important to understand that you are allowed to form your own opinions and thoughts including the emotions you may be feeling at that moment. How you go about expressing them is what is important. We should always strive to share what we have to say in a productive way.
James 1:19 "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry."
Arguments result from someone getting upset and often the message they are trying to express gets lost in the anger. So when we do talk about subjects we may not see eye to eye on, it's important to enter into these discussions with an open mind and willingness to hear both sides. This means sharing our perspective calmly, allowing others to share their thoughts, and taking the time to process what we hear before responding.
While I do not know what you and your parents argue about, it is important to remember that we are called by God to honor our parents. Exodus 20:12 "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you." So even when we don't necessarily agree with them, it's important to communicate with your parents in a respectful manner and try to keep in mind that they likely have your best interests at heart.
