How do I tell my new boyfriend about my last relationship?
Subject: Guy Talk
Message: In my last relationship I had drifted from God. We went very far physically. My boyfriend had me convinced that I was worth nothing without him, because who wants someone who has lost their virginity. I know that I can find my worth in God, and I do believe that I can be pure in God again. But how do I now tell the guy that I'd like to get to know better, about my past? We have been really close for a few months now, and he hasn't even had his first kiss.
Response:
Whether you choose to divulge your past is a tough judgement call that you will want to pray hard about in order to come to the best decision. It also depends on the type of guy he is. Is he judgmental? Is your relationship with him serious to the point where he needs to know such personal information? Does it seem like the two of you are headed into a committed relationship or just a friendship? A lot of times we assume that it's necessary to share our past experiences with people. But that's not always the best choice. It's ok to keep parts of your life private - between you and God. But it's also an opportunity to see how he is as a person by confiding in him with such intimate information. It could be a bonding experience. Perhaps you could share with him what you have experienced on a surface level. You know, bring it out bit by bit, to get a feel of how he may react. If you do decide to tell him, however, I would be certain to stress the fact that you are striving to realign your life with Christ and that you are seeking to regain your purity because what's most important is the relationship you have with God. It sounds like your previous guy was a textbook narcissist. You are more than worth it. Know that for yourself. God creates nothing worthless! We are human. The flesh is weak. We make mistakes and will continue to. If your current guy is also hidden in Christ, he will know and understand that. And will do all that he can to help you maintain your renewed purity. If he judges you, looks down on you, or feels like he can't handle your past, then he's not the one for you.
Let him know that you are wanting to share this with him because you are interested in pursuing a relationship with him and you felt it best that you be honest and forthcoming about what you've dealt with in the past. Once you share with him, leave it there. Don't harp on it or let it take on a life of itself where you're bringing it up or referring to it or your ex throughout your relationship. That can truly ruin a good thing before it starts. Reveal, talk through it, then leave it there - in the past, where it belongs.
