Is It OK for a Christian to Date a Non-Christian?
Message: Can a Christian date a non Christian? I kinda have a crush on somebody but I’m Christian and they aren’t.
Response: Thank you for your message. This is something we should be talking about more, because there’s a growing majority of relationships that are between believers and non-believers, people of opposing cultural backgrounds or beliefs, or people with other fundamental differences that make the already complicated landscape of relationships extra tricky to navigate. You are not alone in this. Let’s dig right in.
I think the simple fact that you asked whether or not this is a good idea shows a great deal of maturity and wisdom and I commend you for that. Fortunately, we don’t have to guess what God thinks of Christians dating non-Christians – He tells us directly in His word. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” This might seem harsh, but Paul is really just trying to bring to light what everyone will eventually discover for themselves if they enter into these types of relationships: having differences in these fundamental areas are not what God has in mind for a couple. The differences inevitably cause conflicts that can end relationships and damage both people involved.
When we’re crushing on someone, it can be hard to see things as they really are. You might be thinking that by your example, you can bring the other person to God, or that at the very least, you’ll not lose your connection with God by dating this person – that you won’t be influenced. God addresses this too. We are counseled in a different verse in the Bible that “Bad company ruins good morals.” (1 Corinthians 15:33) This may be hard to admit, but it is true that those who we spend our time with have an effect on our behavior and mindset. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Those we build our lives around, the people who are closest to us, are the ones who can either help bring us close to God, or pull us farther away. If your heart is truly, genuinely, passionately in pursuit of Christ on a daily basis, then a non-believer — no matter how kind and caring and wonderful they are — can never truly know you. If your identity is in Christ alone, then your life will automatically come into conflict with your non-believing girlfriend or boyfriend. As it should. A man and woman, husband and wife, girlfriend and boyfriend, are meant to be a reflection of the love, support, edification, and like-mindedness that exists between God and the church. We are meant to be a help-meet to one another. And without that type of support from our partners, it is exponentially more difficult for us to be strong in our own individual faith.
This may not be the answer you were hoping for, but the number one advice I can give you is to seek God earnestly through prayer during this time. Trust Him to help direct your path and if you feel Him guiding you in one way or another follow those convictions. How you choose to move forward in this situation is between you and God. If the person you’re crushing on is the right person for you, God can work on their heart, and you may be the greatest witness your partner ever sees. However, if they aren’t who God has in mind for you, and you decide to date them anyway, you may find yourself being dragged away from God. Know that God understands what you are going through and is wrapping His loving arms around you. Lean on His strength and stay committed to your decision to love and serve Him with your whole being.
“Happy are those who remain faithful under trials, because when they succeed in passing such a test, they will receive as their reward the life which God has promised to those who love him. If we are tempted by such trials, we must not say, "This temptation comes from God." For God cannot be tempted by evil, and he himself tempts no one.” James 1:12-22
