Should My Partner and I be Celibate?
Message: Hello, I’m lesbian and have been with my partner for 5 years now. I love her with everything but there was always something missing... We both grew up Christian but didn’t really practice our beliefs because we though being what we are is a sin and was a shame. Now we are turning our lives around and putting God in the center of our family. The deeper we get into the word of God, the more we are at ease with our sexuality. I’m not ashamed anymore and I know our God loves us and His word is so good! I’m still struggling though. Everything that I looked forward to like getting married, having more kids with her (we have 2 from her marriage) and physical intimacy— she doesn’t want it because it says in the Bible that we shouldn’t...she believes we must stay celibate... So I’m just trying to find answers. I feel it’s true but my heart wants all of that with her.
Response: I'm so happy to hear that you and your partner have been able to accept yourselves for who you are, and that you have decided to put God in the center of your lives. One of the worst things in life can be denying who you are and pretending to be someone you're not. Even worse can be the thought that who you are is a disgrace. So I want to give you a virtual hug and let you know how excited I am that you have found peace with who you are and that your relationship with God is growing daily.
It sounds as though you are feeling convicted that you and your partner should not be physically intimate, but that you are struggling to accept this. I would strongly encourage you to seek out a counselor that specializes in what you are going through. Perhaps a Christian counselor that works with LGBTQ individuals or couples, or in marriage and family. I know the idea of finding a counselor may make some people feel uncomfortable because of the history of the field. However, I assure you there are quality counselors out there and with some time, occasionally even trial and error, you can find the right individual for you.
Right now you two are trying to figure things out on your own. While it seems to have brought you closer to God and each other, some of these other subjects may require speaking with someone with more expertise. So not only working with a counselor but even speaking with a trusted spiritual leader, may help guide you to the answers you seek and leave you feeling more confident about the decisions you make as a couple.
I think it's beautiful that you and your partner are invested in strengthening your relationship with Christ. So together, lean on Him as you search for these answers. Ask for His guidance when you study, as you search for professionals to speak with, and as you make these decisions together. As you seek Him, He will guide your relationship.
“Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
