Can God Love Me When I'm Bisexual?
Message: I am struggling so much with my faith mostly because I am also bisexual. I know it's wrong and I hate myself for it. I feel extremely frustrated and guilty. I can't see myself marrying a woman though. I want a husband and babies but I have this physical attraction to women that won't go away. I also have bipolar depression and anxiety. I feel like God has given up on me because I can never get this faith thing right.
Response: I can tell you are yearning for a connection with God. You sound tired and I know you're hurting. It sounds like being bisexual and not being able to shut those feelings down is what makes you feel you have insufficient faith or that God has abandoned you. Take comfort in knowing that God never abandons His children under any circumstances. He loves you so very much.
I'm sorry you're experiencing this kind of pain and frustration. There are more Christian women experiencing this than you may realize and I need you to know that you are not alone or someone deserving of this hate you're feeling.
When you find yourself physically attracted to a guy, do you feel guilty? Would you feel like it's a sin to get butterflies in your stomach if he smiled at you? I'm guessing it wouldn't cross your mind as being sinful, let alone to try and force yourself to stop being attracted to men all together. However, if you were to act on those attractions in ways meant for marriage, this would go against what God has laid out for us in His word. The attraction to women you are feeling is the same. You cannot turn off who you are attracted to but it is up to you to decide how you act on those feelings. Know that you can always turn to God if you are struggling.
God not taking these feelings away is not because you haven't prayed hard enough. Who you are is not a sin. Honoring God in our sexuality isn’t about avoiding sin or trying to be straight. Through the Bible He calls us to sexual faithfulness not to condemn or restrict us, but to help us experience the beautiful, abundant life found nowhere else but in Him. While being bisexual may make you feel like you are imperfect and therefore can't also be a Christian, you are on a personal journey with Christ. This is what makes you who you are, and He meets all His children where they are at.
Hating who you are and believing that your existence is a sin is exhausting. God does not hate you; and, as you are His beautiful creation, it is impossible for your sheer existence to be a sin. Sin is a result of our choices made. Below are a few things you can do to help you guide your choices and help you stay on a sexually pure path.
1. If you’re feeling mistreated or depressed, reach out to trusted adults! It is important to share about your sexuality and for adults to be aware of any bullying, mistreatment, suicidal thoughts, or thoughts of self-harm you’re experiencing. Even though it can be scary, it’s important to start by talking to your parents. If that isn’t possible, talk to a school counselor, coach, teacher, pastor, or youth leader. If you’re unsure whether to talk with your parents, another adult can help you think through your decision — or even be with you when you come out to your parents. The more trusted adults you can share with, the better!
2. Know that temptation is normal! Even Jesus experienced temptation. It’s not a sin to be tempted! We’re not disgusting or bad for having human desires, even toward the same sex. Shame is never from God. Still, the thoughts we dwell on have a profound effect on our hearts. Temptation will happen. But because God’s Spirit lives inside us, we have all we need to resist it (see 1 Corinthians 10:13 and 2 Corinthians 10:15).
3. Use “HALT” to recognize when you’re extra susceptible to temptation. If you’re feeling Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, then “HALT” to find a remedy! Eat a healthy snack. Talk to God and a mentor about what’s making you angry or sad. Make plans with friends. Take a nap or break. At night, create a “wind-down” routine and go to bed on time.
4. Say “YES” to life-giving habits and relationships. Dedicate yourself to interests like art, music, sports, books, electives, movies, or tabletop games. Volunteer at church or local nonprofit. Learn tips to study the Bible and read it regularly. Watch and listen for God moving and speaking to you throughout your day. Spend time with people who won’t look down on you for being LGBTQ+, but will help you pursue God with your whole heart.
While it may not always be easy, being attracted to other women is not the sin.
Finally, be assured of God’s love for you — no matter what. When we sin, our natural tendency is to run from God. But it’s at this moment when God wants to draw near to you! Because of Jesus, we can go to God to receive mercy, forgiveness, and grace in our time of need (Hebrews 4:16)! The most important truth about us is not that we mess up sometimes, but that we’re loved, forgiven, and capable of choosing Him.
