Should I Forgive My Cheating Boyfriend?

Message: I’m currently in a 3 year relationship, and I just found out my boyfriend cheated on me around a year ago. Should I forgive him or what do I do?

Response: Being cheated on can be devastating and I am so sorry to hear you are experiencing this right now. Please know that each person is responsible for their own actions, and nothing you did forced your boyfriend to make them. 

You've asked a good question. Should you forgive him? The bible talks frequently about forgiveness:

"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.​" Ephesians 4:32

"And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”​ Mark 11:25

"Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;" Luke 6:37

And there are many more to be found on the subject. Christ encourages us to forgive one another as He forgave us, and this process of forgiving someone is necessary for our own healing. 

This being said, forgiveness does not mean the same as pretending it never happened. You can forgive him but whether or not you remain with your boyfriend is a decision you will have to make. Some questions worth asking yourself while you make this decision are:

1. Why did he cheat? While any explanation he may have does not excuse what he did, being able to understand why may help you understand if this is something you two can work through as a couple.

2. Does this seem out of character for him? If finding out he cheated doesn't surprise you, asking yourself why may give you insight into whether your two are the right fit.

3. Can you see yourself able to eventually move past the hurt and pain and not hold this over his head? If you two stay together and you could see yourself bringing this up anytime you have a fight, staying together is setting you both up for failure. What he did was not fair, but if you stay with him and decide to work through this, holding it over his head would also not be fair.

4. Can you bring yourself to trust him again? Even if you can forgive him and bring yourself to let this go, will you allow yourself to trust him? If you'll always wonder who he's texting, or if him going out with the guys is actually him seeing a girl, staying together will only cause you both heartache.​

5. Does he want to make it work? If he doesn't want to put the effort in to try and work through this together, it is not on you to try and force it.

Some of these questions are not something you will be able to answer over night and you are allowed to take that time to sort it out. You are the daughter of a King who only wants the best for you so don't be afraid to talk to Him about what you're going through. You and your boyfriend should also talk very openly and candidly so there are no more secrets between you. This may not be an easy process but its necessary for you two to both heal. If you can, find someone impartial to the situation to talk through some of these things with. Perhaps that's a pastor or a counselor.

It is ok to choose to forgive your boyfriend and stay with him. It is just as ok to forgive him and end your relationship. Remember, as a daughter of a King you deserve to be treated the love and respect you deserve. Invest in yourself and your own daughter but do not settle for sub par treatment.