How Do I Come Out As Gay?
Message: How do I come out as gay?
Response: Thank you for reaching out with your question. Knowing what to do these days, who to trust, and how to protect yourself from getting hurt can be quite challenging. So many people are finding themselves in this same situation. You are definitely not alone in what you are going through. I am glad that we are a safe space for you to come to and ask your questions, and to hopefully gain some insight into how to move forward.
The timing and way that one comes out to their loved ones is a decision only they can make. I encourage you to pray diligently and deliberately about what/when your next move should be, what the correct words are, and how you can deliver it in a way that will be received well. Pray that God would soften your family's hearts to those words and that you would be strong in whatever you choose to say. Search for clarity on how exactly you feel, and be honest. Be honest with yourself, and if then you choose to have a conversation, be honest about it. It doesn't have to be a conversation solely based on logistics, but include how you feel, what you're scared of, and what you need from them. Their decision on how to take the news and what to do next is their own, but you can most certainly pray that God will be in your home, hearts, and conversation.
There is not necessarily a right or wrong way to come out, nor is there really a perfect roadmap to this, but here are some tips that you can take into consideration when and if you decide to share this with the people in your life:
1. Practice makes perfect
Practice what you want to say and how you want to share this information. There are numerous ways that we can connect and share with others, whether it's through a text, calling someone, or talking to them in person. Write out what you want to say first and practice it in your head and become familiar with it. Also write out what you may hear in return after you have been honest about what you are feeling and shared this news with your family. Think of some good things you may hear, the bad and maybe some things in-between. It will be good to be prepared with both what you want to say, and how others may respond.
2. Get a feel for the people or person you want to tell
What I mean by that is that you want to know maybe how they feel about the LGBT community by asking them leading questions such as their thoughts on homosexuality and things of that nature. Take note of how they respond and make a judgment call from there.
3. Where to have the conversation
There is no right time or picture perfect location to come out, but you can decide what time and where works best for you and will put both you and your loved ones at ease. Would it be easier to do it during a school break if you are in school? During the holidays? At a park? In the work lunch room? There is no right or wrong answer to this question. It’s about deciding personally when and where would work best for you.
4. Are you supported?
This is very important when and if you do decide to come out. Having support is very crucial no matter what decisions you make in your life. Having people that you feel safe with and who you know will love you unconditionally is key for you and for your mental health. Reaching out to trusted individuals such as friends, a teacher, co-worker, family member, a pastor or elder of your church is a good place to start. Tell them that you’re struggling with this, and be open and honest about your fears moving forward. Having that support system will help you greatly in the long run.
Finally, I want you to know that God loves you unconditionally. There’s no way to predict how your friends or family will react to hearing this, but you can be sure of God’s constant unwavering love for you – after all, He knows already that you’re going through this. He will always be there for you with open arms, ready to give you a big hug and tell you that He sees you hurting and wants to help. I urge you to consider these things with great amounts of prayer. Ask God for wisdom and guidance as you make this big decision in your life, and confidence in your identity as His child. He loves you no matter where you go, but it's important to stand in faith and live in accordance to His will for you! He has a plan & will never leave your side as long as you want Him there! He loves you with all His heart and He will help you through this time.
John 5:14 says, "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us." -- remember that God is always there, listening. He wants you to live a full, spirit-led life with His help. Pray diligently and with the faith that He will hear you and help you.
