How Do I Tell My LGBTQ+ Friend About My Beliefs?
Question: I need advice on a letter I am writing for a friend for Christmas. She says she is bisexual, but I haven’t really ever said anything how I feel about it to her. My last page of my letter I tell her how I believe that this is wrong, but I will not judge her upon it. I tell her in the last line that I hate the sin, not the sinner. Should I keep this or scrap it? I want to tell her how I feel but I don’t want to risk our amazing friendship.
Response: How sweet of you to write Christmas letters to your friends and loved ones. Most people don’t really write out a letter anymore and communicate solely through social media, a text, or phone call. The sentiment will go a long way with your friend and she will overall appreciate it.
When a friend comes out to you as an LGBTQ+ person, it can be a very scary and stressful time for them. They are going through all the emotions and not quite sure what to do. I am glad that your friend trusts you enough to share this intimate detail of her life with you. This goes to show how strong your friendship truly is. Continue to be present and help her through this new experience and pray for her. Let her know that you do love and care for her.
Like your friend, you too are experiencing a range of emotions about this news. You might be wondering things like: “What does it mean now for your friendship?” “Do things have to change?” “Do I need to act differently around her?” “Is she going to have a crush on me?” These all are valid questions and concerns to have when someone comes out to you. However, asking your friend all these things is not really what they need right now, and it likely won’t help you either since they probably wouldn’t even know how to answer. What you can do is of course pray. Prayer will help you grow closer to God and help give you the wisdom and guidance you need in order to process the new dynamic of your friendship.
Right now, it is best to just be present for your friend especially if she just recently came out. You can still be friends with her and love her the same and when you feel the time is right, you can share with her your beliefs on this topic. If you have prayed about it and you feel like now is the right time to share, then what you have written on the last page of the letter is a good start. A slightly different wording might be a good idea, however. A suggestion I have is “I believe sex is designed by God for marriage between a man and a woman. I want to be a great friend to all my LGBTQ+ (and straight) friends. I do not judge my friends. I love and accept you as you are. I hope you’ll love and accept me, too, even when we believe differently.”
So continue to have this amazing friendship with your friend. Pray for her and continue to pray for yourself too as you are both experiencing new thoughts and emotions and questions about how this will affect your friendship as whole. God loves us all with compassion and that’s exactly what He calls us to show to our friends as well. Keep showering her with her the compassion and love that God has showed to you.
G2G Mentor
