Is It Wrong to Go Back to A Past Relationship?
Question: Briefly, who even am I? I’m a 21 year old girl, living at home, doing school online for nursing and taking care of my grandma full time as my job. I have grown up a Christian girl. Since high school though I really took a wrong path and just slipped away from God. I graduated in 2018. In 2019, I met the boy I knew I was going to marry. We fell in love immediately. We spent every second of every day together for two or three months before deciding to move in together. That was a mistake. Basically I had a lot of baggage from my past that I needed to fix before I was ready for something that serious. We broke up, and went through a lot of problems between 2019-2020. My parents hate him so much. It’s now 2021 and we both feel like we are in a better mental, self-knowing, mature state to be together again. The problem I’m having though is that I found God again. I learned self-love and self-worth and I have changed for the better, but he is still the man I fell in love with and want to be with especially since we have both talked and agreed we are both ready again, and in a better state to be more serious. I want to bring him on this journey with me and introduce him to the God I love. We both want to start a new beginning and spark that fire. I guess the advice I’m asking for is how to start this even though I know my parents will hate it. I’m scared they will use God and my new faith against me or to guilt me. (For example, they say lots of things like “He’s not the guy God wants you with,” etc.) While all that may be true, until I know that for sure I want to try with this guy. I pray every day and talk to God for a sign, and there has been no feeling that this is wrong, but I just don’t know how to trust my gut and that this is right.
Response: How amazing it is to hear that you have reconnected with God during this past year. This year has obviously been nothing but strange, but having God in your life definitely helps better understand this crazy world we are living in. God loves you and never left you and I am glad that you were able to answer His calling on your heart once again. He will be able to bless your life and future both academically with your nursing program as well as your romantic relationships. What a great guy to have in your corner, am I right?
Relationships as you already know can be very complicated and messy. The movies make it seem so easy. Like once you find your prince charming, everything else will simply fall into place. That is not usually the case. But relationships that keep Christ at the center, can make the challenging things that much easier. It sounds to me like while you and your boyfriend spent some time separated, you were able to figure out what you like and dislike about each other, know better what your red flags are and what you can compromise on in a relationship. This, combined with also better understanding yourself as a single individual, work hand-in-hand at making you better prepared for a serious relationship. Now that Christ is back in your life, he can help you with your decision regarding this boyfriend.
It can be hard on people close to you to see you potentially get back with someone they may not necessarily approve of or even like. To you, it may seem like they are just super judgmental and won’t bother giving him a second chance. In a weird way, this is how some parents express their love and concern because they only want “the best” for their child. I obviously do not know all the details about what occurred during 2019-2020 but I’m sure your parents’ actions are coming from a place of love and concern for your overall happiness and well-being.
My advice is that before you jump back into a relationship with this man, pray for him and his heart. Prayer is such a powerful tool and will go a long way when it comes to big decisions such as this one. If he is a non-believer, invite him to study the Bible with you. Not only does this give you an opportunity for some quality time with each other, but it's also quality time with God. Spending time in the Word together will ignite a special fire in the two of you. A relationship with God at the center is something to strive for.
I pray that God will continue to lead in your life and give you the clarity you need about this big decision. The Bible does talk about being in a relationship with a non-believer and the challenges that it brings (2 Corinthians 6:14). God knows who you are supposed to be married to and it may or may not be this guy, but only God knows that for sure. Sometimes we wish God would just send us a text saying “Yeah he’s the one,” or “Not this one, try again,” but unfortunately it’s not as simple as that. This is where our faith comes in. Continue to place your trust in and faith in God and He will give you the guidance you need about this relationship.
Praying for you and sending you lots of love!
G2G Mentor
