Is My Relationship Toxic?
Message: I think I’m in a toxic relationship. He treats me poorly and also says he thinks the relationship is toxic. He calls me names and says I’m just a lot. He doesn’t know how to act. Help!
Response: Thank you for writing in with your question. For many people, it's hard to recognize toxic traits when we are caught up in the middle of something, especially if we care about that person. I'm so proud of you for facing these issues head on and trying to find a healthy solution. You are such a special girl, and you deserve to be with someone that treats you that way.
It can be difficult to differentiate between every day relationship problems and bigger, deeper toxic issues. God created the bond and relationship between a couple to be healthy and happy, full of love, trust, communication, empathy, and growth. There should be a mutual understanding between the two of you on what you want the standards for your relationship to be. God wants you to be happy, for you to be with someone who takes care of you and lifts you up. You are a child of God, and you deserve love and compassion, and anything less (being called names, verbal/emotional/physical abuse, neglect, etc.) is not acceptable and you should not stick around for it. We can find examples of the love God has for us and the love He created for us to have with others in the Bible. Seek them out! I encourage you to read 1 Corinthians 13 to start with. Replace the word “love” with the name of your boyfriend, and all those statements should be true about him. That is the kind of man that God has in mind for you. Search for that, and use it as the standard when choosing who to emotionally connect with.
Sometimes relationships don't go as planned and it's important to remember that it's normal to feel upset, especially when you love someone and have been with them for a long time. Communication is key! Whether you are still trying to work through the rough parts of a relationship or you are moving forward without that person, talking to a trusted confidante about how you feel always helps. Be honest with yourself, with your partner, and with those around you that love and care for you. Open up to friends and family so that you can gain support from them as you move forward, whatever path you choose to take.
I encourage you to ask God for guidance in what your next step should be. If you surrender your relationship to Him, He will take control and it will all work out one way or another. Pray for wisdom and understanding, that He would point out the characteristics of a complete partner and give you discernment about whether or not this guy is right for you! Don't forget to have faith when you ask, believing that you will receive an answer to your prayers.
All the love to you,
G2G Mentor
