My Dad Hates LGBTQ People...
Question: I am a Christian struggling with the never ending subject about LGBT people. I have been struggling with this topic for years. I had talked about this subject in the past to my friends who are LGBT friends and also my sister, only for it end in misunderstandings and me getting my feelings hurt. I watch TV shows that start off as a good clean show that I can watch with my whole family, until they begin to add a gay or a lesbian character in the mix. Now, I don’t have a hate for LGBT people. I really don’t. I love them, care them and even pray for them like I should with everybody. But I feel like my dad on the other hand hates gay people. And even though he says that he doesn’t hate gay people & constantly denies it to me and my mom, I can just a sense that he does by the way that he talks so badly about gay men and lesbian women on TV shows that I watch either with him or with him and my mom. Sometimes I can’t even watch a show or a movie that features a gay or lesbian character(s) without him having something negative to say about them. I won’t share some of the names that my dad uses towards gays and lesbians, but I’ll just say that his words are very much homophobic and offensive towards LGBT people and even me because I once thought about becoming gay until I realized that it wasn’t for me. So, when he talks so harshly about LGBT people, he might as well be talking about me if I was gay, which I am not. But it still offends me. Like today, I was watching a show with my mom and they showed two lesbian women on TV with one of them getting down on one knee to propose to her girlfriend. And then, my dad asked me questions about their sexuality and if they were still playing that gay role on TV not once, but twice. Then, he accused the lesbian women of doing that boyfriend and girlfriend stuff with one of the women acting like a man (boyfriend) or the other acting like a woman (girlfriend). It really messed me how he talked so bad about them and that’s why I never like to watch shows with LGBT characters in there because of how my dad talks so bad about them and how it triggers something in me to go back to hating on lesbian women or gay people in general all over again. Sometimes I will see women dressed like a man with a blazer and pants or a casual long sleeve shirt and pants & automatically assume that they are lesbians because they dress like a man. It’s so wrong because I shouldn’t judge a woman for being a lesbian just because she likes to dress casual. And plus, I don’t even know that she is a lesbian. I just always go back how she dresses masculine and not feminine like a woman should. I had overcame not letting the behavior of lesbian women on TV get me worked anymore. But when my dad said what he said about the lesbian women on TV, it setback me a lot emotionally, physically and mentally. So, now I have to start over again because of him. My question is how can I watch a show with LGBT characters without my dad being around constantly judging them? Should I tell him to leave when the LGBT topic pops up on TV? Should I leave or just not watch the show with him anymore because of his hatred for gay people? And how should I pray for him in this area?
Response: Thank you so much for reaching out with your question here. Relating to people who are different than us is a consistent topic of conversation and a place of difficulty for many people. You are not alone in struggling with this. I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling this tension both internally as you define your view of and attitude towards people who identify as LGBTQIA+, and also externally in your relationship with your dad and his treatment of people. There are definitely conversations to be had surrounding the topic of human sexuality, gender identity, and what the Bible has to say about it all. But above all else, one thing is clear: we are commanded to love one another (John 15:12, Corinthians 16:14, and 1 Peter 4:8). This doesn’t mean love those who are like you; it doesn’t mean love those who look like you, act like you, or sin like you. It means we are to love one another – through all of our differences and similarities, and in spite of the devil’s temptations to treat each other poorly. We are to show the same love to our fellow humans that we are shown by God. His love should shine out through us to all the people we encounter, with no exceptions.
It sounds like you are struggling between acting the way you know we are taught to act in the Bible, vs imitating the behaviors and attitudes of your dad. This is normal. Parents play a huge and very influential role in our lives. The relationship between children and fathers is something very special and sacred. Your dad should be someone who you can look up to, learn from, and see as a good example. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. We live in a sinful world, and even the best people can be led easily astray when presented with certain temptations. I encourage you to turn to your Heavenly father for guidance on how to relate to people who identify as LGBTQIA+. Following His example of loving kindness will ensure that you continue to be a shining light for Him in this dark world.
Your relationship with your dad is something I want to address here as well. I don’t want you to think that I’m saying your dad is a bad person, or that you should not take his advice/direction. I think you’re on the right track in wanting to pray for the Holy Spirit to enter into his heart and transform it for the better. It is not our job, but rather the work of the Holy Spirit, to reveal to people their own missteps and areas in which they can improve. Our “job” if it can even be called that, is to love people and share truth. Believe it or not, you can be a good influence on your dad and other people in your family by just consistently standing for what is right, and loving people as Christ loves us. Stay firm in what you believe is right, and always, always let God lead.
Sending all the prayers your way,
G2G Mentor
