Should I Leave Him?
Question: I am 26 years old and am engaged to be married next year. I was happy when I met my fiance. He understands my relationship with and faith in God. Sometimes our relationship seems perfect, but then he starts calling me slut or bitch for having photos on my phone that show more of my skin and curves. I never post these on any social media, I just have them for myself. I didn’t know that he would get mad about it, but since he did, I’ve stopped taking photos like that. Every time we have an argument now, he always brings up the photos and accuses me of being a slut. He even said that I might send nude photos to some other man. He said that he never trusts me at all. I keep telling him that all of these accusations are not true. He had a very bad experience in his previous relationship, and I think that is the reason he is acting this way. I try to be understanding, but I’m at the point where I feel I am harassed and mentally and emotionally abused. He lets his anger and bad thoughts consume him. I am deeply hurt because of what he thinks of me. I don’t want to get to the point of being mad at him too.
I always pray to God for guidance and clear discernment about this relationship. I don’t know if I should continue this though. I love him so much. However there are times that I don’t even know how to deal with him and just cry and pray to god. Thank you for listening.
Response: Firstly, I want to thank you for reaching out to us with your question. It takes a lot of courage and strength to ask such a hard question especially when it concerns someone you intend to marry. I want you to know that you are a beautiful woman both inside and out and that God loves you for you because He made you special. You deserve to be treated with the utmost respect and love from everyone in your life, especially your fiance.
It sounds to me like your fiance is being emotionally and verbally abusive. Often when we hear about women who are in abusive relationships we immediately think that they are being abused physically, but that is not always the case. Yes, we should definitely help those who are being abused physically, but women who are being treated similarly to yourself are also going through a form of abuse.
Being called those hurtful names is never something that you should have to hear from someone that you love. Your fiance calling you these awful names, saying he does not have trust in you, is quite sad to hear and my heart goes out to you. I am praying for you and your situation during this time. His emotional damage from prior relationships should not result in you becoming his emotional punching bag. These issues are much deeper for him and he will need to work these out with a trained professional who can help him heal from past traumas. You being a victim will not help him in this healing.
What I urge for you to do now is to seek help from a trained professional like a guidance counselor, therapist, or pastor. Someone that you want to marry and that God wants for you is someone who fits the description found in the “love chapter:” 1 Corinthians 13: 4-6. Every time that you see the word love, replace his name with it and see if he fits the description. This is a great guide and you can see if you fit the description as well.
No one, male or female, should be treated as lesser and called such horrible names. I pray that God softens his heart and sends healing for his past hurt. I also pray that God will guide you to find healing from this as well. Marriage is very important especially in the eyes of God and you want to be with someone who loves and trusts you. If he is calling you names and has a lack of trust in you now, who knows where it will go if you do get married and the treatment continues throughout marriage. I highly recommend the two of you try and receive premarital counseling as well as individual counseling to work through some of these issues. Finally, I want you to know that God loves you and that you are beautiful. If you ever need any help or feel unsafe or improperly treated, I urge you to also check out the National Domestic Violence Hotline for more options (https://www.thehotline.org/).
Praying for you and sending lots of warm hugs your way.
G2G Mentor
