What Should I Say to Someone Who's Telling Lies About Me?
Message: What should I write to a person who has wronged me, trying to destroy my reputation with bold faced lies? I want to tell them I forgive them even though they will never ask for forgiveness. I need to do this for myself so that I don’t become bitter and start hating them. They have lied in print and messages, gossiping and slandering my reputation. None of it is true. Do I just let this go?
Response: I want to start by saying I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Sadly, this is a really common problem, especially among girls, and it never feels good to be the victim of lies and gossip. But I want you to remember that you are not alone. You will get through this!
I can already tell that you are so wise. It's not easy to go through what you're going through, let alone be the bigger person and move towards forgiveness and healing. I applaud your strength and kind heart. The Bible emphasizes the importance of this in a lot of different places. God teaches us to dwell on good and beautiful things, on Him and His character. Continue to look forward, to grow in His love and be an example to others of maturity, respect, and kindness.
Ephesians 4:31-32 reminds us, "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, quarreling, and slander be put away from you, along with all hatred. And be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another just as God has forgiven you."
Just as God tells us that forgiveness is important, He also doesn't want us to hurt. Sometimes it's best to remove yourself from unhealthy people and situations. Proverbs 20:19 says, "Whoever spreads gossip betrays confidences, so don't get involved with someone who talks too much." This shows us that we can love from afar. We can care for others but still respect ourselves enough to walk away. We just have to do it in a way that God would want us to. Be kind, be forgiving, and have faith!
It sounds like you’re on the right track with wanting to move on from this situation and let go of any bad feelings towards her by offering her forgiveness. Writing can sometimes be the best therapy, and I'm happy that you have decided to express yourself in this way. Here are a few tips for writing your letter:
Determine who you are writing the letter for and what you want out of it. Ask the basic questions: who, why, how, and when!
Be clear and concise! Remember that sometimes expression or vocal intonation can be lost or miscommunicated when it is in writing. Keep it simple!
Be honest. Let them know how you have been affected but don't make it about shaming them. People tend not to listen if they feel attacked – and you want her to hear you.
Write to your audience. Remember who it is and what they are capable of. Don't leave room for discrepancy or opportunity for them to tweak your phrasing and use it to hurt you again.
Say what you need to say then walk away! If moving on is the goal, don't let the letter be a gateway for future conflict.
Pray, pray, pray! Ask God to give you the right words. Maybe write a draft, pray over it, and revisit it after a day or so.
Finally Sophie, remember that this is not the end of the world. It would be easy for you to allow her negative iterations of your character to affect your self-image, and so I commend you for your strength and resilience in not letting that happen. People come and go, and God will send you quality people if you ask. I challenge you to continue to pray about your situation. Remain strong in your faith, and don't forget who you are in the midst of it all. Use this experience to develop your character, your morals, and your faith. Those are the things that will matter in the end!
Job 17:9 encourages, "But those who do right will continue to do what is right. Those who are not guilty will grow stronger and stronger."
Claim this promise, and bask in the love, strength, and self-assuredness that belongs to you as a daughter of the King, acting according to His instruction.
