Where does it say you can’t change your gender? Because I did.
Question: I changed my gender fully to female. Does that make my partner gay because I transitioned? Where does it say you can’t change your gender? Because I did.
Response: Thank you for reaching out. I will do my best to answer your question. Just a disclaimer: I am not a professional in this area and would need a little bit more background in order to fully comprehend your current situation with your husband.
Just like you, there are others who have been asking themselves the same question: “Is my partner gay because I transitioned?” And there is no real straightforward answer. Others who have gone through what are you going through have said that they have come to compromises. I encourage you to take one step at a time while trying to figure out and re-establish your relationship.
It is understandable that you would feel pressure to try and sort out what your sexuality may be - and your husband’s now that you’ve transitioned, and I’m glad that you reached out with your question. I want to start by saying that in society today, it seems that an emphasis is being placed on embracing your label – whatever it may be – and I want to caution you about doing that. So much importance is being placed on sexuality that who you love has almost become synonymous with who you are – your identity. This can leave many people feeling anxious about not being able to find that label and finally "know" who they are.
The thing about labels is they place people in boxes. For example, when I say doctor, what do you first think? Many people will likely think of a medical doctor, but the title "Doctor" can be received by anyone who earns a doctoral degree. What I'm trying to get at is that humans like to categorize things and place them in boxes because it feels easier to understand and keep track of. But each person is a unique individual, and is so much more than any one label will ever encompass.
I know that the stress of not being able to say definitively what your/your husband's sexuality is can make it feel like it is the most important question to answer. But just like with a puzzle, it’s only one piece. Many other pieces go into making the beautiful individuals you & your husband are are and it is important to invest energy into discovering and developing those other pieces. By focusing on your spiritual, mental, and physical health, the answers you're searching for may be found.
Regarding your question about gender change and where “it" says “not to do it”, I’m going to assume that you’re asking about where in the Bible we are counseled on gender dysphoria. There is a very comprehensive piece written on this, which I’ve linked for you here: https://www.adventist.org/official-statements/statement-on-transgenderism/ According to the Bible, humans were made distinctly binary, male and female, and were designed by God for connection via heterosexual marriage and physical intimacy with a member of the opposite sex. Anything outside of the scope of this is contrary to God’s plan. So, while being transgender/experiencing gender dysphoria is not inherently sinful - it may result in sinful choices.
It will take time for your husband to learn about himself, and what this change means for your relationship and his sexuality. So throughout the process remember, you don’t need labels—you need to know that God loves and accepts you-- no matter what. So if it takes you both a while to answer this question, that's perfectly ok. Rest assured that there is one (and only one) way to find out who you are and who you are meant to be – and it is by having a relationship with Jesus, and that is a life-long journey.
Sincerely,
G2G mentor
