Why Am I Nervous When My Boyfriend Goes Out?
Message: Why do I get really nervous when my boyfriend goes out and drinks? I don’t want to hold him back but I just get really anxious —I don’t know if it is because of the drinking or the people. He gets mad that he can’t go out with his friends but I don’t want to hold him back. What do I do to get over this?
Response: Thank you so much for reaching out. It is totally normal to feel anxious, especially when factors such as alcohol are involved. You shouldn't feel bad for having these thoughts, and I commend you for searching for a solution. Hopefully we'll be able to figure this one out together!
First, I encourage you to turn to God. Just like you would talk to your best girlfriends or family members about your relationship, ask God what He thinks! He understands who you are and what you need. Prayer is powerful and can often help us see the truth, figure out a situation, or find comfort in a time of stress. You can also try turning to the Bible for answers about big topics such as relationships, drinking, and trust. It is full of good advice and guidance.
John 15:7 says, "If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you."
You sound like a really understanding girlfriend, and I believe that there is always compromise that can be found in relationships. I want to start by offering a few possible solutions that you could try in order to ease your mind. It may be a time of trial and error, but actively communicating and searching for a solution could be the key. Find what works for you both.
Living in the age of technology is a blessing and a curse, and maybe your answer lies somewhere in between. Try communicating with him and finding a solution together. Maybe you can use technology to build confidence and trust. Have your boyfriend text you to let you know he is safe, check in every hour or two, or keep each other updated! On the other side, maybe staying away from social media could help. We have all obsessed over a profile, checked a location, and done some digging, and we can all agree that it normally doesn't help! Ask him to give you a heads up on the nights he is going out and maybe you can find something else to do! If you have close friends, you can do a sleepover, go see a movie, or find a new hobby. This way, you can keep your mind busy!
I also want to encourage you to ask yourself the important questions. Is this problem deeper than you think? Does it have to do with underlying trust or loyalty issues? Do your morals line up and does that matter to you? Is it something you can live with forever? In a healthy relationship, you should never have to compromise your beliefs or feel bad for thinking/feeling how you do. Be true to yourself, and be true to your God! Everything will work out. God wants us to be comfortable, to find someone that is compatible, and to grow individually, with our significant other, and most importantly, in our relationship with Him.
"Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future. Many are the plans in the mind of man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." Proverbs 19:20-21
Lean on Him, continue to search for the truth about yourself, your relationship, and what you want for your future. Give your worries to God, and He will carry them for you!
