Why Does God Make Some People Gay If It's A Sin?
Question: I’d like to start by saying that I am a deeply devoted Christian. Now, I haven’t always been. When I wasn’t, I considered myself bisexual. I had feelings for women (I am a woman) but I could never really imagine myself being in a relationship with one. But I know I had what could be crushes. It’s been a couple years since the last one. I’ve repented for it. But I’m still terrified. I’m terrified not just for myself, but for other Christians who know in their hearts that they are LGBT. What do they do? What do I do? Be celibate? For me, this isn’t a problem. I’ve never wanted to do anything like that with women. I’ve always liked men significantly more. I don’t ever want to marry a woman. With all this being said, because my in my past I had these feelings, does that bar me from church leadership? Does this bar me from joining groups or doing anything within my church? I don’t want to tell anyone, but what if someone finds out? Can I serve on a mission? And why does God make some people gay if it’s a sin? I don’t mean for that to sound blasphemous, I’m just having a hard time understanding. I really want to die, honestly. I don’t know how to resolve this and I’m so scared.
Response: Thank you for having the courage to write in and ask this question. It breaks my heart to read that you don’t want to go on living. Your life is an incredible gift, and you are not less qualified than anyone else for church leadership or mission work. You ABSOLUTELY can and should do all these things if you feel called to them. We are all sinners, and we all fall short of perfection. It would be silly for a person to think that the lie they told one day but later repented for, would prevent them from serving God in a leadership capacity or doing His work, right? The same is true for any sin. No sin is greater than another.
The truth is that God didn’t make people sinful. Just like He didn’t design anyone to be a liar, He didn’t intend for any of us to have confusing feelings about our sexuality. This is just another result of humanity choosing to sin way back in the Garden of Eden. Ever since that point, humans have all struggled with a sinful nature and been tempted. You are not better or worse than anyone else just because of the way that the devil chose to tempt/attack you. You are not alone in wondering this and asking these questions however. And I believe many churches have done a great disservice to the LGBTQ community by making it seem as though their temptations and sins are worse than anyone else’s. They aren’t, and the Bible backs up that stance.
The trick with temptations and sins is that we have to try our best to avoid acting on these things – and call on God to help us in the fight. Just like someone who is tempted to tell lies should not do so, especially while in a position of church leadership, someone who struggles with temptations surrounding any kind of sexual immorality should also not act on them. The Bible defines sexual immorality as anything occurring outside of a heterosexual marriage union. So this doesn’t just mean the LGBTQ community – it also includes any premarital sexual activity. Like I said before, no sin is better or worse than any other.
Now let’s talk a little bit about your situation in particular. There is absolutely no rush to have all the answers about your sexuality. It can be really confusing to feel things for both genders. You are not alone in experiencing this. I want you to know that being curious, longing for closeness, or even experimenting does not necessarily mean you’re gay/bi. Some girls and young women are primarily attracted to guys. Some may be more attracted to girls — yet still end up dating or later marrying a guy. Other girls have experienced or thought similarly to you as well and it is more common than you might think. There are some things that I want you to know from a Christian perspective as well to try and help answer some of your questions.
Firstly, God loves you and accepts you. God made you uniquely you and there is no changing that. He knew what trials you would face, and the ways in which you would be tempted. He will never leave your side as you face these trials. Who better to confide in about these feelings than in Him?
Secondly, our identity is in Christ. As young people, we are discovering a lot about who we are. Due to rapidly changing hormones, many girls can’t understand their sexual orientation with confidence until their 20s! In the meantime, no one should pressure you to decide. You don’t need a label. Just know that God will love, accept, and care for you no matter what your friends say or do.
Finally, You deserve safe support. Sex is a gift — and a responsibility — that God has made. You will enjoy it best when you trust and obey what He says about it. Remember: if you’ve been sexually involved with someone, God forgives you. The guilt is washed away! You are free to get back up and keep pursuing sexual holiness. To accomplish this, you will need support! It can be tempting to talk with friends, but sometimes peers can gossip, tease, or even demand that you compromise on your morals to “prove” your sexuality. Think instead about sharing with a parent, pastor, or other trusted adult who can assure you of God’s love and help you further process your questions.
So again, just because you have had these feelings about the same sex does not mean that you should not join different groups at church or go on a mission trip. If you are able to, talk with your pastor about these things and these concerns that you have. They will be better able to provide the clarity you need and give you some awesome ideas on how you can help in the church. Being a part of the church is a great experience because it gives us a sense of unity and family. Talk with your leadership and they will be better able to guide you to where you can help out in the church. Maybe even be able to help other people who are going through a similar experience as yourself! God can use you in a variety of different ways.
I pray that you find solace and comfort in Christ. You are uniquely you and God loves you very much. We don’t need to have all the answers right away, but can instead lean on God and trust in Him to guide us. If you do feel anxiety or depression, I highly recommend reaching out to a trained professional such as a counselor or therapist to help work through these feelings.
Praying for you and sending you a big hug. Don’t ever forget how loved and needed you are. God has a special plan for your life, and needs your help to share His love with the world.
G2G Mentor
